Monday, June 20, 2011

Looking for a Vice



One thing I really hate about having a chronic illness is having to be gentle with my body. I write that with a smile on my face because I am half joking. But there is a part of me that is sick of having to be careful all the time, especially when getting careless is what you're meant to do...

I have this party coming up on the weekend. It's my oldest friend's housewarming/post-divorce party and it should be pretty wild. We keep joking that it's going to be as crazy as in our university days but fortunately and unfortunately for me, I know that for me it won't be. Fortunately, because I don't want to get sloppy and feel like shit the next day. But unfortunately, because I know that my Crohn's will act up if I do. With an aging gut and liver, I just can't do it anymore. I sometimes wonder if it's just that when I was younger I had lower standards. In my twenties it was okay to feel like crap for a while because I had no obligations. Now in my thirties, I have a young child to care for (wish daycare was open on weekends), meals to make, housework to do, I need all the energy I can get. I definitely have higher standards now, I want to have as many good days as I can. Wasting a potentially good day recovering from a hangover just isn't worth it anymore.

But there's still a part of me that misses that feeling of elation that I would get when drinking beyond a reasonable limit, especially when I had a cigarette in the other hand- oh, what a great combination! Though, there's not much literature on the effects of alcohol on Crohn's patients, there's plenty on smoking- and it isn't good. So, my two favourite vices are too unhealthy now, especially if I'm looking for something that will really do my head in.

I've thought about marijuana. I've heard it's actually really great for people with Crohn's as it is an anti-inflammatory. I haven't smoked pot in years because often when I did smoke I didn't like it. My heart would beat way too fast and I didn't like being so out of my head. Perhaps though, I need to find some really mild pot.

Part of me thinks that I should be concentrating on how to include healthier habits in my life but sometimes I feel that's all I do! Now that party season has started I will either have to explore the boundaries of moderation or find a new vice.

Any advice?
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1 comment:

  1. camerabangerJune 22, 2011 at 9:45 AM

    Way too public a forum for comment on some of these things but, If I were at that party and talking totally off the record this is what I would ask...

    First why do you crave things that you know would be counter-active to your condition? Is it because down deep you want to be as 'whole' as you used to be? Do you really crave them or just the idea of them like in the good ol' days? Probably both.

    If you can feel good and treat yourself to a night out and the company of friends that should be a wonderful thing all on it's own.
    As you learn to appreciate just plain feeling good and substitute good company, good food and a good time for that shot of tequila it will get easier. That said, how 'bout growing some mild stuff of your own? No chemicals. Low cost and you might just enjoy growing things more as time goes by. Then you might find yourself gardening. Good hobby. Not that I advocate such activities! ;^)

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